The Urban Opera
For those of you who have been fortunate enough to have seen R. Kelly’s Urban Opera, “Trapped in the Closet,” you can assuredly rest easier. For those of you that haven’t: you obviously haven’t lived.It’s amazing to me how R. Kelly can go from one absurdity to the next. While Closet isn’t exactly the same as urinating on little girls, it ranks up there with some of the worst things I’ve ever heard throughout the entire course of my life. The plot itself is mind-blowing. As a writer I don’t think I could have come up with something as clever as this. A man who meets a woman who is wearing a wig and is cheating on her husband, who, when her husband finds out (as R. Kelly is trapped in the closet) tells her he’s been cheating on her too, with a man, who is a priest.
He walks in the bathroom
And looks behind the door
She says, "Baby, come back to bed"
He says, "Bitch, say no more"
He pulls back the shower curtain
While she's biting her nails
Then he walks back to the room
Right now, I'm sweating like hell
Checks under the bed
Then under the dresser
He looks at the closet
I pull out my Baretta
He walks up to the closet
He comes up to the closet
Now he's at the closet
Now he's opening the closet...
And this is only Chapter 1.
Who knew that a Baretta, a gay priest and a smoking cop (chapter 5) could make such an intriguing epic? Who knew that someone out there was insane enough to have produced it?
Dunit is right when he says “R. Kelly has straight up lost his mind.” I think the fact that this is actually being sold and purchased signifies that perhaps the entire country has. Rape charges? Who cares.
If only we could all just get out of the closet...
posted by Victoria Comella @ 9:07 AM
3 Comments:
best line of the entire saga (and when i say best i simply mean one of hundreds of great lines)...
Woo woo woo woo, here comes a policeman.
that is a good one. there are so many that it was difficult to choose.
"I said cool, climax. Just let go of my leg."
Wow... I gave up on R. Kelly a long time ago and really have not been glued to the epic that is... A MUSIC VIDEO. This art form died out in the 90s a la Guns and Roses "November Rain." There is no reason except to showcase you have a big budget and would like to act out words in the song that usually do not make sense. Way to go R. Kelly, now you HAVE to sue Jay-Z for those millions because you just spent it on a damn video epic.
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